What Should Have Been Will Be Again
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: A phone call with a best friend can calm the most stormy seas of life.


**Tried and true Marsan, the only surefire way to pull myself out of a writing funk. Hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. **

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**_My loss, my lonely,  
My mistake, mine only,  
Mine all, mine all mine,  
And it's my bad, my broken,  
All my should haves left unspoken,  
Mine all, mine all mine.  
_-SHeDAISY;

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Storm clouds had rolled in overnight from the desert floor hanging over the city and breaking with the rise of the sun. She sat with a tepid cup of coffee in her left hand and the telephone weighing down her right as she stared out her living room window watching the rain race down to pool on the sill. Dark rings under her eyes gave away the fact that she hadn't slept two winks the night prior and not very much for the week before that. She ran her hand through her short blond hair already regretting the decision she had made to shop it off and staring painfully at the tan line on her left ring finger.

Memories surrounded her like a sea of should-haves and what-could-have-beens. She had kicked him out a week ago, thrown his ring in his face yesterday evening, and spent the night poking through boxes of memories she had tucked promptly in the back of her closet after moving in. A wrinkled photo of what should have been rest on the coffee table as she stared longingly at the phone debating her next move. She could call him for the first time in five years or just show up in Chicago praying for a chance to run into him – either way she was hellbent on making the quickest exit from Phoenix that the space-time continuum would allow.

An ache to hear his voice began in the pit of her stomach, took over her chest by storm, and beat the logical "he doesn't want to hear from the woman who broke his heart" sense out of her brain. She dialed the operator and nearly begged for the listing as she scrawled the number in pink highlighter across the back of her suntanned hand. The waiting killed her as the phone rang, painfully piercing the impenetrable quiet that had been her morning, when the line finally clicked on. Tears pooled in her eyes when his voice filled the static, "Hello?"

"Mark," She breathed his name as her voice cracked.

"Susan," His voice has a sense of urgency as if he knew the tears were slipping from her ducts and he wanted to reach through the line to wipe them away, "what's wrong?"

"I've got to get out of here," The tears were flowing freely now and she didn't bother to wipe them, "I can't stay here. I wanna come home."

"Susan," His voice still sounded the same; his tongue sounded too big for his mouth, his voice soft and rough all at once, "tell me what's wrong."

"I hate Arizona," She wiped blindly at her tears and pulled her knees to her chest, "I hardly ever see Susie, the hours are horrible, it's always sunny even when it's supposed to be overcast and gloomy, the engagement didn't work out and we broke up, and I really, really, really miss you."

"Sus-"

"And I'm sorry," She forged on, getting every bit of everything she had held in for far too long off her chest, "I'm sorry I said no when I really meant yes. I'm sorry I got on the train and I didn't stay. And I'm sorry that I sent you that ridiculous letter because I was too chicken to call you because I knew if I heard your voice I wouldn't be able to do it."

"Susan," He cleared his throat and paused to find the appropriate words, "stop beating yourself up. Unless you've found a magical Delorean there's no way to undo it now. You weren't the only one who screwed it up and you were right to leave, you needed to leave and I couldn't hold that against you no matter how much I tried... I've gained some.. some perspective and believe me that's not worth what we did to us."

"I miss you, Mark."

She could nearly hear his smile, "I've missed you too, Susan."

"I want to come home," She spoke while chewing on the end of her thumb, "I need to."

"Book a train ticket, call a moving company, and I'll find a place decent enough for you to stay until you find something better," He didn't offer it as a suggestion because it was exactly what needed to be done, "we'll worry about the rest of it later."

"Okay," She breathed, "thank you."

"Hey, Sus?"

Her breathing hitched at the nickname, "Yeah?"

"Call me when you get the details hammered out," He paused again, "I can't wait to see you."

"Back at you," She allowed herself to really smile for the first time in she couldn't remember how long, "I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," He repeated in affirmation before hanging up.

She fell back on the couch with the phone resting on her chest. The storm outside was clearing as the sick feeling in her head abated and her eyes drifted close for the first time in forty-eight hours. After five years of searching for the perfect answer in a whirlwind of mistakes, she finally found the right answer had been right in front of her nose all along. She curled up with a smile, content with the fact that she was going home. Home to finally face what should have been all along.


End file.
